因为还有爱，所以不能成为朋友。
There’s still love, hence, you can’t be friends.

真的吗?
Really?

There was a Formula One demonstration by the BMW Sauber F1 team and other Petronas motorsports team at MITC last Sunday. Despite the freaking hot weather, I decided to pay them a visit as it was one of the rare chances where I could get up close with the drivers and the car. I managed to take pictures with the drivers, Robert Kubica and Nick Heidfeld and also 2007 Indoor Street bike / Stunt bike world champion, Chris Pfeiffer.

Blog reader Meng Zhee also took the chance to come all the way from KL to meet me have his photo shooting session. Hence, we met up for a short while and had a small chat before we proceeded with our own tasks.

The sound coming out from the V8 engine was really loud and high pitch. Although you get to hear it from the television, nothing beats hearing the sound with your own ears and standing less than 50m away from the car. However, when the car is going at low speed, it sounds like a car farting non stop though. The smell of burning rubber also filled the space when Robert and Nick did their 8-shaped spins.

6.05AM…

How many people are still awake at such hour? Not many, or I would say, none. No thanks to the washing the kitchen and toilet session at 1AM.

Going through Reading thorough my notes for the next paper, I can’t help it but to think that what am I doing with all these notes and papers when most of my friends are busying with their FYP (Final Year Project) and preparing to graduate in just another few more weeks. I’m not going to blog about what happened, how it happened and why I ended up in such situation / engineering because I am pretty sure / assume that most of my readers knew it before hand.

My parents always ask me what I want to do with my studies and life, and the question never fails to pop up during the confrontation. I never answer them because I wasn’t really sure or shy or afraid or for whatever reason it was to speak it out but deep down inside me, I know what I want to do with my life. I have my own goals and dreams to keep me going.

Looking at my friends that are about to graduate or already graduated or have started their master’s program, I can’t help it but to feel embarrassed but not ashamed whenever the elders pop the question, asking me when am I going to graduate.

“When are you graduating?”
“Maybe two more years cause I am extending my course.”
“Why?”
“Cause I failed too many subjects.”

Whether is it going to take me another one or two or even the maximum three years, I am going to complete this fucked up degree of mine. Not only I want to put a full stop on something that I started five years ago, I need that degree to apply for a job. You and I know very well that even though it is just a piece of paper, that piece of paper is going to make a whole lot of difference. For that piece of paper, the difference in the basic pay of my future job is RM1000.

Engineering course itself is difficult, what more when I have close to zero interest with the course. On top of that, the laziness inside me. My parents are squeezing their pockets to come up with the money to pay my tuition fee every three months and there’s nothing much I can do except to push myself harder and graduate. I feel sorry for them because at my age, 23, my parents are still worrying about my condition and future, whereas my peers are already living on their own or have started their own business or having a full time job.

Pa and Ma, I’m sorry to tell you that there are three (maximum) years to go.

I wrote “embarrassed but not ashamed” in the previous paragraph, but why? At my age, I am not totally doomed yet. I may not be the next Kenny Sia, Minishorts, smashpOp, Boss Stewie or any other celebrity bloggers out there, but I know my blog is one of the things that I can be proud of. Of course, credit goes to all the readers of “Jason Mumbles”. The feeling of being recognized on the streets and / or seeing some random guy’s / girl’s monitor displaying my blog is indescribable with words or pictures.

Stringing for The Star is one of the biggest achievements that I managed to achieve in my early 20’s. Not for The R.age, not for Brats, not for some random readers’ columns but Metro South & East, Central and even Nation.

“I know this reporter, he is my friend.”
“I read your article in the papers today! Good job!”
“I saw your name in the papers today!”
“I’m very proud of the article you wrote for our function.”

I may not write like a professional yet, but I, somehow, do know what it takes to get my news published in the papers. Given the right chance and guidance, I can handle local news on my own while my editor goes on with her nation news. Too bad, she was transfered back to KL and it’s like starting from ground zero with the new editor.

Screw engineering, this is the job that I want to work as and the path that I want to walk on. I’m very sure about this because I, truly, enjoy and like what I am doing now. It may be different when I am working full time, but I still love it way more than engineering. I have three more years to improve my writings, to gain more experience, to get more exposure and to get to know the field inside out before I step foot into the real life of media and journalism.

An old teacher of mine told me that I will never get rich by working as a journalist. Honestly, I think it is quite true. However, going through the pain and suffering of doing something that I never like and want to or to do something that I love and enjoy, I choose the latter. I made a mistake while selecting my course, I should not make the same mistake for my job. I rather be earning moderately rather than dragging my feet to the office and face all the circuit boards.

“Make The Star as your first stepping stone and job, not the last.” - Yuk Peng.

Hopefully, it will be my first job and to write for Section Two. Why Section Two? Lifestyle, something that I can easily relate to and love. As for my the even further future, lets just keep it for myself for the mean time. I have plans drafts for that as well.

Despite being far behind my peers in terms of academic, I am not behind or maybe, ahead of them when it comes to earning money or side income. If one is called independent by living on his / her own income, then, I am no different from them. My parents decided to stop giving me allowance since early 2007 and I have “successfully” lived on my own for the past three months. Thanks to my part time job and blog. Of course, I don’t have an income of RM2000, but enough to support myself and that shouldn’t be a problem. Does that make me different from those who have graduated and are working full time now? I would say no, not sure bout you though.

Coming from a family where I need to earn almost everything with my own bare hands and sweat, I am even more proud of myself. While others are lucky enough to have their parents to buy them a notebook / desktop computer or giving them sufficient or more than enough allowance or granting them most of the things that they wished or wanted, I am not that lucky. Most of my desires were bought with my own hard earned cash. Topping the list is my yet to arrive notebook (RM3799), followed by my digital camera (FZ30) (RM2480) and my mobile phone (N70) (RM1600). One may say those are the things that I want, not I need. If those are not the things that I need, then, what are the things that I need? Fine, exclude the mobile phone.

Of course, I have my desires too, a RM10k budget for my dSLR, a trip and savings. Sook Ying was asking me whether I can attend her graduation in December in US. I’m very pessimistic about it as there’s less than six months to save but it got me all hyped up. It doesn’t have to be end of this year, it can be anytime when I think I have save enough to do a little traveling. Who knows how much I can save within the span of three years / when and if I graduate?

Do I know what I want to do with my life? In my life? For my life?

I certainly do. At least I think I do.