It was yesterday, February 23.

And it wasn’t a happy one.

No post to announce the big day like I used to do.

Nothing to be happy about because of a few incidents that happened few days before my birthday, ruining everything and turning everything upside down.

A birthday card from Yea Lee who sent the card from Adelaide, Australia. Notice that the bear bears the alphabet “J”? Sweet.

A dedicated post by Sook Ying, with a cake that I don’t get to eat.

Birthday wishes from Adeline, Amos (Thank you for the meal at Nadeje Patisserie.),
Earthtone, my Aunt, 1+2mom, Chee Yong, Cheng Sim, Chia Qi, Chia Sheen, Daddy, Emily, Gabriel, Jamie, Janis, Jerry, Juliana, Kai Chong, Khang Nee, Li Sui, Mummy, Pei San, Raymond, Sandra, Sha Ly, Sook Ying, Suet Lei, Timothy (Boss Stewie), Van Ling, Wei Sung, Wen Fa, Yea Lee and Ying Pok.

Thank you very much for remembering my birthday.

A bigger thank you for those who celebrated my birthday with me, an hour before the day ended.

23rd birthday… I only felt numbness.

Emotionally drained.

It’s just too much to handle as everything happened in a sudden and everything came tumbling down since then. Everything, as in, everything that matters to me the most. Worst of all, I found it the hard way, again. This time, it came with something even more disturbing, betrayal. It’s not helping when its “the time” of the year and everything I see just reminds me of well, everything.

Thoughts, spoken.
Tears, shed.
Arguments, rose.
Words, written.
Tears, shed.

It’s not helping either when deep down inside myself, I knew it was me who started “it” from the very beginning that caused today’s consequences. Although it’s not just my responsibility alone, that’s for sure, there’s more need to be done from every aspect to mend things up.

It’s not going to be easy but “no choices” is what we are left with.

Promises that need to be kept and uphold.
Promises that you won’t know whether it will be kept and upholded by the other person.

It could be just another round of self defusing or one sided thing.

Sighs.

Whatever.

Never know I was that vulnerable and weak.

If it gets too serious, I am going to shut down “Jason Mumbles”. Yes, this freaking blog and no, you didn’t read wrongly.

Emotionally drained, I am.

Updated : Shutting down “Jason Mumbles” is not because of whatever incidents that you can think of by reading this post. Although it was the cause, the biggest reason will be that I can’t pick myself up yet to blog. Even if I am to blog, posts written without heart and passion only results a soul-less blog.

A soul-less blog, what’s the point then? However, it should be the last thing I ever want to do for my blog. There will still be updates, provided I can produce something.

Finally, I have done my shopping for 2007’s Chinese New Year on 15th February, three days before Chinese New Year. All it took was less than 20 minutes or less in Giordano and Body Glove. No fancy designs and colours, just plain coloured T-shirts and polo T-shirts.

Total damage? RM150.

Equivalent to 15 meals of asam pedas, 15 rounds of beef bah kut teh, 75 rolls of pohpiah, 6 plates of tenderloin steak, 100 plates of dim sums, 3kg of mille crepe, 15 rounds of banana leaf rice with chicken and mutton, 30 plates of tandoori chicken, 40 pieces of grilled burger, 15 stalks of calla lilies, 2 full tanks of petrol, 9 trips to KL, 300 sticks of satay celup, 40 bowls of longkang mee, 100 sticks of ayam percik, 1 512MB memory stick duo, 25 meals for lunch or dinner…

If not because of the “pressure” of wearing new clothes during Chinese New Year, trust me, I will not buy them and spend them on food, gadgets, groceries or just save it for food instead.

These should be my clothes / wardrobe for 2007 as I only stock in new clothes during Chinese New Year, unless need arises. That’s why you always see me wearing the same clothes in my blog’s pictures.

I need to get a long sleeve working shirt too as somebody (you know who you are) sort of adores to it. I don’t know why though.

Before that…

Feb 3 was the biggest bloggers’ gathering, held at Wizard Cafe, Sungai Wang. Initially, I was supposed to go as Boss Stewie promised to sponsor my expenses (toll and petrol) so that he could have his hands on the mille crepe.

It was all good until my editor called up and told me I had to work on Saturday’s night, for the ceremony of lighting thousands of red lanterns at Jonker Street. (The Star news.) Instead of doing the usual stuffs - interview and write, I got to do something different.

I was going to do a one minute stand up for the respective video news.

One minute stand up ended up re-shooting four times as I was stiff and nervous. Not to mention, those on-lookers were looking. Luckily, photographer cum video-grapher, Chua Kok Wah was patient enough with me.

Nope, the video didn’t manage to get through the editors and subsequently, the news. Nonetheless, it was an experience.