In Reality, Jason Is… - An Introvert
I have been blogging since 9th of November and next Monday will be exactly 6 months. Fear not, I am not going through what I have gained through blogging, but I shall write something else. I suppose my blog is more on the cheerful, happy, with occasionally some emotional / sad posts and also a place where I am able to rant anything that happened to me or under the sun. However, my blog portraits part of me only, not all. I shall try to disclose myself as much as possible with various parts, and hopefully that “Jason Mumbles”’ readers will get to know more about me.
I am a very quiet person, not as talkative as you have feel in my blog. I can talk a lot on the net and on IMs, is because it is not verbal communication and I express 100 times better by typing it out. In reality, I have problem when comes to verbal communication. It does not matter if it is 1 person or a group of people. I have problem talking to anybody, even my family up or my best friends. It is that I do not know what and how to bring up a new topic in a conversation. Besides, I do not know how to join in the conversation or to be interested with the topic they are talking about. Most of the time, I prefer to listen than to talk. It takes great effort for me to strike a conversation with anybody and usually, the conversation will end up with a moment of awkward silence.
There was one time when I joined a group of ex-classmates for a “yam cha” session some time ago. There were about 15 people and the session lasted for 2.5 hours. Throughout the 150 minutes, I only said not more than 20 sentences. Giggling for the sake of giggling was the only thing I did throughout the whole night. I listened to their conversation which were mainly about lame jokes, lame jokes and even more lame jokes; occasionally, chipped in some gossips about other friends who were from different classes. Basically, I was “yam cha”-ing with myself, alone. I was hoping it would end as fast as possible. It is that bad whenever I am going out with a group of friends whom I am not so close or do not clique.
However, my problem does not limit to a group of people. Even when I am with a person, especially girls, things will be even worse. There is a girl who will avoid as much as possible in going out with me alone, as in just the two of us. Even if we are going out together, she will always bring another friend along in order to avoid the awkward and embarrassing silence. Whenever I am talking face-to-face with her, my tongue is tied so badly that dumb is the only word to describe myself. She is a passive type of girls when comes to having conversation, and she will be more active if and only the guy is able to come up with endless topics and feedbacks, in other words, the active type. When both of us meet, we always end up with looking at each other like some dumb ass. Whenever she agrees to go out with me, I actually will plan what topics to talk about in my mind just to avoid the awkward moment. However, sad to say, I never succeed. Who is she? She is none other than NeeNee. I suppose, she is sick of having face-to-face conversation with me.
P/S : Sorry, Nee. Although it has been countless times we went out together, the embarrassing moment is always there. I have tried my best and the result remains the same. However, I guess my actions have proved more than my words.
Not only her, I have the same problems with Adeline too. Adeline belongs to the active and talkative type. There will be no silence whenever she is around. Whenever I am going out with her, Adeline will always try to act dumb / funny in order to keep the conversation going on. At least, she tried. However, there are times when she get fed up of keeping the conversation going on, she will be playing SMS or playing miss call with her hand phone instead of talking to me.
P/S : Sorry, Ling. I hope you understand your brother well enough, that I am like that since the very first day you knew me. I really appreciate whenever you try to keep the conversation going on, but I still suck in it.
This also happens whenever I am about to talk to my parents. Any conversation that has more than 3 sentences, it will always end up with nagging or scolding from my parents while I always do no bother to listen to them. Besides, I never tell anything that happens to me since primary school until today, not even the slightest incident unless they mentioned. When I was in primary school, the relationship with my dad was so bad till my mum’s colleagues (My mum is a primary school teacher in Tampin.), my class teachers and my relatives knew how bad it was. Whenever my dad talked to me, it would be scolding or shouting, sometimes it came with slapping or caning. I never dare to talk to my dad, and sometimes it could go up to few days. Things became better after one of my class teachers suggested that my parents go for some courses that teaches them how to communicate with children, how to be a parent that goes along with the children and other stuffs. Only after the courses, my 2 sisters and I talked more with our parents. Besides, my house is the type that does not talk a lot and every thing is express through actions, scolding or nagging.
P/S : Ma and Pa, sorry to say this, I shall never share my problems or tell you what is happening in my life. Hopefully, my blog will never be discovered by you too. I do not know why I am doing this, but I am definitely happy with it. The only time when I shall tell you problems is when the problem is related to you or I am so desperate till there is no other way to solve it. The only thing I can promise to you and me is that I shall spend more time talking to my own children to avoid the same thing happening on my children. I am sorry.
There is one girl, I guess, the only one… I shall talk about her some other time. This is me – Jason Lioh. Therefore, if so happen we are going out together; please be prepare for excessive boredom. –double sighs-
The “In Reality, Jason Is…” series :
Part I - Scared Of Watching Horror Film
P/S : My deepest condolence to Kenny and his family. My prayers for your beloved father.
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May 4th, 2005 23:06
Heh, my first blog post was last year 7th of Nov, 2 days earlier than ur’s. :P
May 4th, 2005 23:57
jason,
if you can’t communicate well with your friends now, how are you going to communicate well with your children?? Learn to speak and talk to people in real life, and spend lesser time on internet.
May 5th, 2005 03:03
it’s not wrong to be an introvert. But I feel you must have a healthy social life. Go out with friends once in a while… no man is an island, my friend.
Communicating with parents is important, IMHO. it takes two to tango. :)
Good luck!
May 5th, 2005 06:06
aloha,
i enjoyed reading your posts :)
I hope you don’t mind me linking to your page.
I must admit I’m an introvert myself and can relate to your situation.
May 5th, 2005 08:42
Wah lau jason, you have so many gal friends somemore can list down one by one. I very kiasu, now i need to find more gal friend liao, seeing that i am losing out to you. Ah, about talking hoh, there are some ppl that no matter what we talk also she not interested one, because those gals are just looking at how rich you are, how good looking you are and are you willing to pay their bill, un liao boh.
May 5th, 2005 08:43
I was exactly like you when i was very young back in school. Everytime i would be very excited whevnever there is an outing with my friends, be it yam char, shopping or watch movies. But everytime, i will definitely go home feeling dissapointed and miserable. Sometimes i feel that there must be a problem with me that i did not clique well with them until i found my true friends. Things have become very different then. I did not mix with my old friends anymore and slower shift towards the new friends i know and bit by bit, i started to open myself to them. To me, they are still my best-est friends until today and i feel so lucky to know them. Maybe you have not found the right group of friends yet and things will be really diferrent if you did. There is nothing wrong to be quiet or shy and that is definitely not a crime. Just remember to follow what your heart tells you and be true to yourself.
May 5th, 2005 09:12
Jason you’re trying too hard and therefore you get too self concious..You should try to relax and be yourself ( not out to impress)
I used to hate public speaking and known for my super short speeches until I was forced to do much more when I became C** of a group of companies. I still dont like it but I no longer fear it.
May 5th, 2005 10:11
Theres nothing wrong with being quiet Jason. Not everyone is the life and soul of every party. Its how you view yourself that matters. Me thinks you’ve got to work on your self esteem a little bit and have a more positive outlook. Try to concentrate on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Often we are too harsh on ourselves.
May 5th, 2005 10:42
happy six months anniversary!
May 5th, 2005 10:56
hey there…
Reading your post, i couldnt help but realise how much we have in common. I wouldnt call us social inepts, we’re more like those who need to be around a smaller group of people, those who we’re really, really comfortable with, those whom we’re not trying to impress, those who make us feel less conscious of ourselves, to function…
Don’t worry too much about it..take care!
May 5th, 2005 15:33
my story is almost similar to meigie and yours.
but tns has made me realise something…that i have to have a life OFFLINE too.
thanks,tns for all of ur advices.
:)
May 5th, 2005 16:38
Jason, hey there’s no good at all to escape from fear. you gotta face it more. like TNS said, come out and ‘Cham’ more society.
i know MCA is organising a ‘Speech Training Class’”讲话訓練班”. its a place to teach you how to speak. its a place to let ppl gain their confidence… strong recommended.
May 5th, 2005 20:38
si loc kee.. MCA politik tak main la.. go to clubs better and meet people of the same age (rather than seeing old ppl) here and there -_-”
May 5th, 2005 21:04
Eee… y u sound like my x wan hah? the last time I met up with him. Ask him how he’s life like. He say “hm, good.” How’s work? “Hm, boring.” Everything only 2 words. Whereas for me, I blah blah blah away. I’m both talkative wit online and offline frens. But I agree wit tns, get a life and start communicating with offline ppl!
May 5th, 2005 21:51
erm…jason u are same wif me..very hard to talk to fren…but i can very talkactive at MSN..i oso dunnoe y…just some of my skul fren that i can talk alot… maybe tis is the gene…hehe…. dun worry lar..maybe will change it when nu grow more older..
May 5th, 2005 22:09
CLF : Hehe. But still in the same month right? ;)
Tiu Nia Sing : Its not that I can’t communicate well with my friends. There are certain bunch of friends which i can’t communicate well, not all but most of them. Since holiday, I have spend very little time on the net already. Have been going out with my friends and we are going for holidays soon. As for my children cases, I will talk more to them. :)
Eileen : Yeah. I do spend time with offline friends too. ;) Just that most of the time (In Malacca), I am alone. In Tampin, there are a few friends that I certainly clique with. As for my parents part, I really dunno how to deal with it. :( I tried before but I gave up.
Miszbabykiss : Thanks for linking me. Welcome to my blog and thanks for droping by. Yeah, i have link you back too. Hope you enjoy my post. Hmm, glad that you understand my situation. ;)
Mr. Kiasu : I can count out how many female friends i have, that is so pathetic ler. Shouldn’t it be the other way round instead? Hmm, but not all gals are like that rite? :)
Mei Gie : I think i have a group of people whom I can hang out and talk alot with. :) In Melaka, there are only a few females. Thanks for your encouragement and sharing your stories. I have yet to find my true friends in Malacca though. ;) My heart says that do whatever I want. :P
Romantic : Every time I try to relax myself, i get even more tongue tied, because when I relax, i dun talk. LOL. But thanks for your advice. Its not that I can’t do public speaking, its that I do not know how to prolong a conversation. I can do presentation very well. But i avoid it as much as possible though. :)
Mumsgather : Oh yeah, I certainly lack of confidence in myself and I am kind of low self esteem as well. Sighz, but i really don’t have confidence with myself, especially my outer looks.
Simon : Thank you! But 6 months aniversary is nothing to baost about. Wait till my 1st birthday, ok? :P
Anucia : Oh yeah, you got it so right. ;) You experience the same thing as me. I am more comfortable with certain group of people lik u said. :)
Ju : Ah, I do not say I do not have offline life at all. ;) I do have, else you wont get to see all the various stories you have read, right? :) Its just that, errr, we spend more time on the net only. :P Hehe. Besides, with you and not many ppl in KK, what you can do?
Loc Kee : I got come out “cham” but only certain specific group of people, I guess. :P Hmm, my Tampin MCA sleeping only one. :P
Anoymous : Hmm, who are you? :P Thats a good idea, but i don’t go clubbing often. My pocket money very de limited leh.
Ice Queen : LOL. I not that bad lah. I will try to answer more and try to continue the conversation. Not until that bad ler. :P Hehe! Okluuu, i go yamchar now.
Milly : Hehe. Not gene lah, character. :P
May 6th, 2005 01:45
jason,
you seem okay with it.. Keep it up dude!! Go get your lifeeeee….
May 6th, 2005 12:28
jason, i suppose u’re right :)
:)