After talking to my close friends, reading the various advices given by various bloggers and thinking since I went into hiatus mode last Saturday, I have made my decisions that :

I will continue to struggle in my studies for the next few years and graduate as an engineer. Auntie Lilian said, “Life cannot afford this kind of attitude, wrong choice, erase, start again. It means working till the end.” This was the sentence that made me decided to continue with my studies. Not only that, most of you advised and encouraged that I should go on with my studies.

“Jason Mumbles” will not be closed down just because my parents discovered my blog. I love my blog and I am proud of my blog. I, myself do not even have the courage and determination to delete my blog, what more when there are quite a number of people who enjoyed reading my blog. It was Mumsgather who stopped me from procrastinating, as in talking to my dad and making decisions. It was Mumsgather who managed to get me back into blogging as soon as possible because I would not blog until if and only I have made a decision about my future.

With that, I decided to talk to my dad on Friday night. However, I did not talk to my dad the other day, but I wrote him a letter instead, which is also another form of communication that I am more comfortable with. Therefore, for those who did not realize, my dad has left a comment in my previous post.

JASON, What I have to say?

I am glad you INVITED me to say something on your blog. I must put on record some misinformation on your blog.

As far as I can recall - I have NEVER said anything BAD about blogging. I just wish to put across the point that PLEASE give the same priority in your academic studies as blogging!

I would like to express my sincere thanks to all your friends in the BLOG world for helping you to come to the RIGHT decision - STUDY!

The reason your mum and I asked you to think it over is - we do not know whether you are INTERESTED!! We are just too concerned that you are BURNED OUT!! Say what you like, both of us are struggling to come out with $$$ to meet those extras once your PTPTN got suspended!! I think we both have the right to know what you are heading to especially your priority in life!!! We are not able to cope if the bill keep on increasing with each failures - where to find the money!!!

As your Mum comes from a very typical Chinese family, you have to tolerate some of her shortcomings in parenting keeping to the old tradition. Please be a little forgiving - she meant no malice but care for you!

I for once will do whatever I can to support you either financially or morally as long as you are FOCUS and KNOW what you want in life.

To put the record straight, I totally reject the word ransacking your computer. I discover your blog when you used MY laptop at home.

There are many other things that I want to say here but I dare NOT because you have WARNED us not to use your blog to complain. Thank you my son for inviting your parents (Your Dad to more precise.) into your blog world.

Let’s this be another GOOD way for me to learn a thing about BLOG. Thank you!

Dad Lioh

Therefore, there are a lot to be done and changed when the next trimester starts on 19th of June. Wish me luck! –grins and pray- I am going to get a lot of lectures from a lot of people – Juliana, Milly, Tiu Nia Sing, Gah Yoong….. whenever I go online next time. –sweat-

To all “Jason Mumbles”’ readers,

Thank you very much for being there for me, by offering all the best wishes, encouragements and advices given during my hiatus. Thank you very much for “loving” my blog. I also would like to express my gratitude and special thanks to Auntie Lilian, Mumsgather, Juliana and Adeline.

All these make blogging meaningful, alive and enjoyable. Not to mention, the wonderful friendships I have made and built through blogging. You guys are the best and I truly appreciate it. Thank you very much.

And of course, thank you very much to my parents and welcome to my blog. –smile-

I will be talking to my dad tonight and see how everything goes.

I am having some problems, a major one, with my parents especially with my mum. I have to make a decision which will decide my future before my university starts next month. Therefore, I might not be updating my blog for some time, or at least, not within these few weeks. I will still read blogs though. I am considering of shutting down “Jason Mumbles” as well because my parents have discovered my blog.

Please do me a favour by leaving down your email address (primary), so that we can keep in touch if “Jason Mumbles” is shut down.

Updated at 1:34PM, 23/05/2005

My parents, especially my mum, and I have a dispute because of my academic matters such as examination results and tuition fees.

I have to make a decision – to quit my studies and work or to continue my studies and graduate as a third class computer engineer.

They, my dad to be exact, discovered my blog accidentally while “ransacking” my computer. They are not very fond with the idea of me blogging, as they said it is meaningless and a waste of time. My mum has also been sort of “spying” on me albeit I was in Malacca most of the time. She knew a lot of things, from which girl I went out with, what present and for whom I bought for, how much it cost and to the things that I did in Malacca. Some of the information she received was true but some of them were badly twisted or false information. Therefore, with my blog being discovered, things will get even nastier and disadvantage to me.

“Mumbles Jason”, I will always be.

This is another mindless and crappy post, written in a very bias and very confused mind. Jason does not even know what he is mumbling about, for his points can be confusing and contradicts with his other points. If it does not make any sense, shoot me. Jason is kind of confused and lost lately.

Few weeks ago, there were a few people – Juliana, Alphonso and Auntie Lilian blogged about love in different aspect, with different ideas and perceptions. I have read about it, but I did not leave any comment behind because I am not even able to handle my own feelings wisely, what more to comment or criticize others. However, their posts did make me wonder what love is. Since shitty things happened yesterday and hence, I decided to blog a post, which is slightly related to love.

To fall in love, the first thing that will come into your mind will be “feelings”. I bet most of us know what / how / why about feelings, which no people will understand it better than your very own self. A feeling is part of the essential things that one seeks for before jumping into a relationship, especially for the girls. However, in my own opinion, it is not the most important or vital because I strongly believe that feeling can be developed or grew as time ticks away. If there is feeling before the relationship starts, I consider that as an advantage or a bonus to a better relationship, but definitely not a foundation or a key to start a relationship. How many guys / girls got rejected just because of this “principle”?

Even if there is feeling for the other party, is it “the” feeling? To like somebody and to love somebody, what is the difference? My friends felt that I was naive and stupid when I say like and love are two different things. Carol would agree with me, right? If I am to write it in mathematics equation, the equation will be “love equals to like, but like does not equals to love.” One of my friend, N (First time using nicknames for the characters in my blog.), could have mixed up the feeling with some other feelings. I remembered N told me that she accepted (as in starting a relationship) him because the feeling was strong and she liked him at that particular moment. Later on, she did tell me that she did not really love him; the feeling was more towards like. –sweat- What is the point of having a relationship that has a weak or no love between a couples? Situation will be even worse if things are not working out.

Feeling also varies because of your looks / money. For those who have read Mr. Kiasu’s post about this, thank you for saving my effort in writing this paragraph. For those who do not, maybe you should start reading Mr. Kiasu’s blog. Although there are girls / guys who said looks / money do not matter, I still doubt with what they said. No offense to those who really mean it. Pretty girls and handsome guys will never have difficulties in understanding what is like is to be looked down or brush aside because of our looks. (If you want to read what Mr. Kiasu has written, please click on the comment links to find the appropriate links; that is after Mr. Kiasu posted the link. Thank you.)

Attitude and responsibilities play an even more important role in a relationship. Attitude like “hangat-hangat tahi ayam” is definitely a no-no, unless you are looking for one nightstand or engaging yourself in a puppy love; and that is just one example. Responsibilities that you have to bear are a lot heavier, as you are attached to somebody. You have to think about your partner in the things you do, as you do not want to hurt him / her. Selfishness and self-centered “attitude” will only hasten the break up process if either party is not willing to sacrifice. Sacrifices have to be made for the partner, from time, effort, pleasure, hobbies, friends. and sometimes, even studies. A relationship is not just about watching movies, holding hands, talking non stop for 6 hours in the car, kissing or touching, crying, buying gifts or giving flowers, but it is something that both parties have to mould themselves into a better person when in love / a relationship with somebody, in order to make the relationship goes on. It is easy to fall in love and to start a relationship, but it is difficult to keep it going.

Besides, it is wise to know and to be clear of what you are looking for in one relationship, or at least, know what you are doing and what will happen to you after kicking off the relationship. To be together with another person just because of feeling, is just not wise (?) enough. At least, N did that which resulted in “I do not know” as the answer to most of my question when comes to her relationship. Another friend, A is not too bad either. She can never be single (as far as I am concern) for a certain period of time. She would come to me, crying while talking to me during her critical moment and after her breakup. 1 or 2 weeks later, she would be attached to another guy, which usually I would find out later. When I asked her about it, she would just giggle away while I shook my head. –slaps forehead-

Not only that, cases like trapping between 2 guys / girls, a guy / girl courting a girl / guy for years or even decades, a guy / girl treating a girl / guy too good until guiltiness starts to kick in, a guy / girl being too close with a girl / guy until it kills the thoughts of being together, long distance / online based relationship and etc., are all special cases that have to be viewed, treated and act accordingly. Some will eventually become true love, some will always remain a one sided “true” love, and some even will never be together but yet there are feeling between them. There is a wonderful girl, J, whom I really respect because of the sacrifices she and he made just because of 2 situations, which I did mention above. There is another guy, A, who actually changed himself so much, from bad to good, for the sake of his girl friend just because the girl has some violent pedigree.

There are so many happy and sad endings out there, which happened because of love. Only those who have are willing to sacrifice, to change themselves, to bear the responsibilities, to open their hearts, will have a better chance of falling in love and finding true love. It is the heart that matters, miracles will never ever happen if one is not willing to open his / her heart to her / him, in order to give both sides a chance to try / make things out. It is the heart and the effort that creates miracles. I give my respect to Siew Sin as the couples are engaging in a long distance relationship but yet, they manged to create their own miracles. Not to leave out, our most “lan tiu” blogger - Tiu Nia Sing who is going to propose to CJ because of his true love for her.

This post is supposed to be an email to somebody, but I took it off and posted it here instead. Actually, I do not know what I have written nor it does make any sense. I apologize for my pointless grumbling. Thank you for reading.

P/S :

Juliana, Alphonso amd Mr. Kiasu, can you guys please write down the permalink of the posts about love that you all blogged before in the comment sections? I remembered Simon has written something similar as well in one of his recent post. For those who wrote similar things, feel free to do promotion of your own blog.

I wanted to blog today, but few shitty things happened today. Most importantly, I accidently deleted my saved document - “My Holiday Trip - Day 3″. Not only that, some people just… Urrgggghhh~!

Since I have deleted the saved document, I shall not blog about it again. I bet most of you are not so interested about my trip anymore. If you want to know, do let me know. I shall send you some pictures with a short article about my trip.

I will be back tomorrow. Time to go to my friend’s place to save all the updated blogs into my pen drive and bring back home to read.

Urrgggghhhh~! Stupid girl~!