To Like Somebody
It has been exactly one week since I officially (bringing back my computer) moved back to Tampin for my 2 months holidays. All I ever did was sleep, eat, “yam cha”, connect myself to the internet from my friend’s place and cyber café, boiling bean bean and “lepaking” around the house or town. Besides, it is my first holidays that I am not working any part time job to earn extra allowance or money. Even my parent’s friends, seniors, juniors, relatives and friends gave me a weird (sarcastic?) look when I told them I did not apply for any part time job or not planning to work during the holidays. Therefore, I feel so useless sometimes especially when I have nothing to do or I am a parasite or junk in this house. Never mind, I am getting used to it already. That also explains the reason of me not blogging as often as before (when I am having classes). Since I started my holidays, my daily hits and page views have dropped significantly. I have no idea what is going wrong though. Is my golden time has slipped away without me noticing, is my blog getting boring, is my blog losing its readers or is because I do not ping PPS that often anymore? Although I do not get obsess with hits, but I do mind when the daily hits has drop by a number of 100 to 130. That is a lot! Oh well, hope it will go back to normal once I start my school again 2 months later. –grins-
2 days ago, I did something stupid – telling somebody (a lady to be specific) that I have this feeling of like towards her. Although I think it is normal to say something like that, but it still freaks the girl out, right? Honestly, it is not love or I could say (hopefully) it has not evolved into love. I feel nice and comfortable whenever I chat with her through IMs. Well, you might say that everybody could give me the same feeling but it is different. It is like I am willing to tell her anything if she is to ask anything about me, I do not mind telling her things that I have planned to hide from my friends. In other words, I am willing to be 100% honest and I trust her that she will keep it secret for me. Besides, when I am super bored, she is one of the few persons that will come into my mind. I will pick up my mobile phone and SMS her in no time, hoping for a reply from her. Although I barely understand her (I hate and suck in understanding one person’s character.), but sometimes, its like I can guess a little bit of what is going in her mind, a little bit. Every day, I do hope to hear from her – miss her, I suppose that is a “Yes”. The best part is…… -silenced-
Somehow, I am expecting the worst outcome (I am a pessimistic person.) which is the like feeling will turn into love and get rejected again. Although she did indirectly tell me a little bit about what she was looking for in her future boy friend, I am not very sure whether I have what she wants or seeks. Am I up to her expectation? I doubt because I do not even have any expectations for myself, for what reason I am able to live up to her expectation, I really do not know. Not only I have no confidence in myself, I also believe that I am just not good for anybody or any girls. I do not have the looks, the charm, the intelligence, the cash, the car, the credit cards and I do not even have the skills of communicating, unless you want to consider as IM-ing as part of the communication skills. Like what Mr. Kiasu said in a post before, I always ask myself, “Is sincerity and pure love enough to create a relationship between 2 people?” I am not very sure and I am yet to find the answer by myself. Besides, she is a regular reader of “Jason Mumbles”, can she accept the fact that, inside my heart, there are few more people (Mainly girls – NeeNee, Adeline and my second family) that I care and love as much as her (That is if she is my girl friend.)?
It is 4AM now and I think that I have thought too much over one simple matter. It is just a simple feeling – like, why and how did it end up so many things? May be it is just some plain friendship or I am day dreaming again. I think it is the latter one. I have listened to many couples’ problems and stories, I even came up to the point to help, to advice (Albeit it is never as good as April’s.), to teach and to guide them in certain point of their relationships and feelings. Funny thing is how come I can never handle my own feelings? I really cannot do so and my friends always think that I can handle it better than them. For God’s sake, I also need advices and suggestions too in my own problems. May be Tiu Nia Sing or Mr. Belacan can help me in this, I hope.
What triggered this post? I have no idea, guy’s PMS? –lol-
P/S :
I shall bring you all for a trip to Bukit Tampin tomorrow, with fresh and freaking cooling mountain water awaiting us, I mean, me! –wink-
By the way, any people out there know how to help me regarding bout my Windows Media Player? Although I have installed the proper video codec (DivX 5.11) in my computer, every time I try to watch Gundam Seed : Destiny with my computer, the sound / voice is faster than the visual / scene. I am currently using 1.6 Ghz P4, genuine Intel / Dell mobo, 256MB SDRAM and 40GB of HDD. I do not run any other applications, with the most minimal program running in the background. The problem still occurs. Please advice.
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April 30th, 2005 14:22
oowell, seems like u’ve been in a confused state of mine lately.
it is a good thing that u’re leaving for bukit tampin for a short trip though to make things clear.
:)
anyhow, all the best in every way!
:)
April 30th, 2005 14:58
This post has been removed by the author.
April 30th, 2005 14:59
jason,
“TIUNIASING!!”. This is then first thing I will do when you come to me.
Then it will follow by,”What’s wrong with you dude? A girl only, don’t fuck it kay!!”
Kidding…
Alright dude, it’s normal if we have feeling in someone; you care about her, you gen jiong her, you wish to talk to her, you wish to listen to her, you wish to share with her, and you wish to sleep with her too, right?? (Don’t fuck first.)
I think, it’s impossible if you can ask anyone of them here to be your gf, bcoz they know you too well, bcoz they know who’s the most important to you (nee nee lar), bcoz they can never take it as nothing happened before. You made a mistake by expressing too much how you feel in Nee Nee. Girls get jealous easily kay… Unless… **Pls add me (5702896) into your ICQ list if you want to know more)**
April 30th, 2005 22:28
Jason, who is the girl hah. But whatever it is, you already tell her honestly about how you feel already, but make it clear that she is special to you. And if she likes you too, i think she will think about it one.
April 30th, 2005 23:03
boy, just make sure you know ler who u like. Relationships need hardwork and understanding from both parties to work. She might be able to accept other gals in ur life but you must know who would be the priority lo.
May 1st, 2005 00:43
Aiks.. when people have no lectures to go they start to simply think (coz too free).. so don worry after 2 months you’ll be up and kickinass again :Pp
May 1st, 2005 20:51
wah,jason,if she is really ur dream girl,den she MUZ ACCEPT all the other girls in ur life. u can’t 4get abt the others for her sake wat.
hey,u already told her ur feelings le…dat means u hav courage…that means u r alredy confident in urself lor! give urself a pat on the back!u hav jumped a big hurdle!
May 1st, 2005 22:44
Hola …i’m back from KK liao.
Can start MSN me if u need help.
Nyek nyek nyek, dun worry..it’s F.O.C special for u.
May 2nd, 2005 01:07
wah, sheen is pro lar…
May 2nd, 2005 03:43
erm.. i think just do watever u can do.. dun so rush.. its take times.. but like mr. kiasu said, if she likes u, no matter wat u did n said, u wil get the same result.
May 2nd, 2005 04:00
Jason,
don’t lah be so pessimistic. You still have your regular readers, i’m sure. I’m one of them ;)
Everything’s gonna be alright. I have faith in you.
It’s not wrong to like a person. It’s not an offence to confess. Cheer up, mate!
{huggies}
May 2nd, 2005 08:00
Unless Jason knows what Jason wants and is all about… no relationship will last as you will always have wishy washy feelings. As for any “girlfriend” having to accept shes at par with other female friends and family– Any girl worth her salt will not accept those conditions. All girls want to be THE one ( the special one) not just one of many. Just my 2 cents ( about 6.5 malaysian cents worth LOL)
May 2nd, 2005 22:24
Juliana : Confuse? A little bit, but not 100%. Because I still know its like, not love. :) But, I am glad that if I can find out futher what the feeling will evolve into. However, things doesn’t seem so right, anyway. I wonder how will it turn out. What says you?
Tiu Nia Sing : Sleep with her? Err, dun have lah~! ;) I so pure and angelish. Hehe. I have added you. :P Talk next time. ;)
Mr. Kiasu : Its just like only. Maybe if i love her, things will change. ;) But, indeed, she is someone special. :)
Ice Queen : Jie Jie, ok. I know one. :) Thank you.
Anoymous : Hopefully I can kiss ass again when school reopens lah~! I certainly hate holidays.
Sheen : Like Tiu Nia Sing said, girls get jealous easily. However, I do hope she can accept it, but if she can’t, I will love her more and well, not to lose my friends and loved one at the same time. I just have to find the balance point.
Carol : Izzit? Master Jedi asking opinion / help from his padawan? Hmm, works anot?
Tiu Nia Sing : Don’t pull his leg lah~! LOL.
Blink Blink : Thanks. I am going with the flow, not rushing. ;) Still going fine.
Eileen : Wah! Its my honour for you to be my regular readers. -kemmmbaaannnggg- Alright! Everything is fine now, really! We are still chatting and sms-ing. ;) Its great. Thanks. -huggz-
Romantic : Hmm, I shall really think about what you said. You reall got a point. But, I will put her as the highest piority though. I do expect my gf to accept all my friends, but at least, be prepared that I also cared somebody else, not only here. Hmm, really gonna think about it. Thanks!
May 3rd, 2005 17:50
Hey, ‘Kam Chen’ is a very difficult word, and it cannot Min Keong. for guys, its a visual feeling. when u see a gal, u wil start liking her…
for woman… they are goes by Feeling. if they got FEEL to you, you got chance liao…
inorder to do that… use your heart to Kam Tong her lo :>
Cheers….. Add Oil anyway.
May 4th, 2005 13:31
I agree with what romantic says … Personally I wouldn’t appreciate being told that I have to ’share’ my bf/fiance/husband’s love with another (a few!?!) woman. Advise to you .. even if its true, keep it to yourself! :)Must be fair mah … can you imagine if she told you that you are not the only man in her life she cares about? She would do as much for them as she would for you though you are supposed to be the ’special’ one in your life?
But then again, I can be one of those who is just super possessive. :P
May 4th, 2005 14:40
Loc Kee : Feel. Sighz, sometimes just because they dun have the feel, they didn’t accept a guy who really loves her from the bottom of his heart. I mean, no feel, but maybe you can try, who knows that the feel might come later. “kam chen” can “pui yong” one also rite?
Aleanor’s homeground : Hmm, but honestly, the love for those people and my special one are different. Those loves are for my sisters and friends, while my special one is the “love” that I would seek out for. Hmm, but, of coz, i do and will put more piority for the special one. Hehe. Thanks for dropping by anyway. Nah, i think not all gals can accept it as well. :) So you are just fine. ;)
May 4th, 2005 14:52
I just confess liao. The result? Failed. Aihhhh….
May 4th, 2005 22:53
Aiks, nvm. First time cannot, try second time. ;) If you have enuff sincerity, one day she will be “gam dong”. :)