Friends, You Say?
Look at the photo above, they are all different from each other, with different personality, attitude, character and sex. But, there is one thing in common; they are all my friends that I treasure with all my heart. However, how many of them remember me as a friend and treasure our friendship like I do, I do not know and I am not eager to find out at all. Do you know why there is an empty space at the bottom right corner of the picture? It is trying to say that friends come and go; nobody will stay forever in one’s life and it will always leave an empty space inside my heart. I have been through it countless time and I am still experiencing it every now and then. I have met many new friends but I have also lost a lot of old buddies as well.
What is the definition of friends? People who accompany you when you are alone and bored? People who “yam cha” with you in the middle of the night? People whom you hang out with? People who will be there when you need them? People who understand you? People who give you strength and moral support when you are down or sad? I supposed these are the answers that will come across in our mind when we are asked the same question. However, let me remind you the ugly side of a friend. Who are the people that backstab you? Who are the people that betrayed your trust? Who are the people that took you for granted? Who are the people that hurt you again and again? Who are the people that leave you behind because of greediness and selfishness? Who are the people that forget about you when they have new, cooler and richer friends and you are far away from them? Ironically, the answer is also friends.
I used to have a group of friends – Chun Kit, Chee Yong, Cheng Pin and Chin Szen, whom were my classmates since Standard 1 until Form 5. However, our friendship scattered into pieces when Adeline came in and joined forces with them to hurt me. Then, there was another classmate with the name Soon Ann joined their gang and I was left out because I do not share the same interest with them and I am not in the same wave length or frequency as them. Since then, we were not as close as before. Although we still go out “yam cha”, but it is just to show my face only. We do not have anything in common already. Not only because of the incident, but also because they studied Form 6 while I went to MMU. Now, they are in local universities in K.L. and we only met like once in every 4 months. There goes one whole bunch of buddies I have since primary school because of distance and different interest.
Then, it was Adeline. We were very close and it was not wrong to say that we were the best-est friend. It was also in the same year when we had some arguments because of her ex-boy friend. Our friendship came to a total full stop for 2 years, treating each other as if he/she was a stranger or invisible person that never once existed in this planet. I lost another friend that I once really loved and cared because of trust and loyalty. The year 2001 was the year that changed me inside out, from a cheerful, happy and easy going person to a dark, gloomy and quiet person. It took me some time to heal but the scar remained.
Because of the incident, I started to hang out with Science 2’s students. They were not as “complex” as the students in Science 1. We hang out together a lot and I learnt a lot of things from them. I got to experience the excitement of stealing coconuts and running away from the old lady when being found out, how to play arcades, how to make lame and stupid jokes, how to exchange porn with the suppliers and a lot more stuffs that usually the good students would not do or got to do. However, things changed a lot when the leader of Science 2 – Jose Lee migrated to U.S. after that and also because most of them decided not to continue their studies but to start working in K.L. and Singapore. Only a few of them went to colleges and university. Since then, we hardly contacted each other. I lost contact with them because of fate, I suppose.
Then, I moved into this house with my housemates. Due to academic reasons and also my character, I did not manage to get along with them well enough. We do not have anything in common. They like to watch English series like “Charmed”, “Friends”, “Joey”, “Smallville” and a few more sitcoms, while I only watch Gundam Seed and Gundam Seed : Destiny. They love to play pool while I love to play snooker. I do not understand their jokes, nor do I find it to be funny. Later, my situation/problem became more serious until they have the intention to force me to move out from the house. It was that bad. Are we friends? Yes, from the outside only. I lost another group of friends because of my attitude and character.
The people I mentioned above are the ones that created a certain level of impact to me. I do not understand what they are talking about when we go out “yam cha”. I do not know who is who that lives in their circle of friends, whom I do not know at all. I feel left out when most of them are bringing along their partners together with them to holiday trips, “yam cha” session, for a movie or even normal outings. I do not know what the latest news among them is as they never bother to SMS or call me for a chat. Even when I make an effort to SMS or call, they are most likely to brush me away. I am connected to the “matrix” 24/7 but they do not even know what MSN Messenger is, except for ICQ. I blogged about myself and my life stories so that my friends to have a portal / place to know more about me, but none of them know what a blog is and none of them like to read.
I have tried and I have given up! I gave up on my offline friends and I am starting to depend on my online friends and certain people like April, Chris, Mun Kit, Carol, Juliana, Auntie Maria, Auntie Earthtone, Hwa Yinn, NeeNee, Alicia and the list goes on. At least, I found a bit of sense of security from them. I might be lying to myself or “bertepuk sebelah tangan”, but I am definitely happier in my online world. I do not know why, I just seem to lose faith in my friends.
As for all my special friends, you know who you are; I just want to say “Thank You” for being my friend and I treasure every single bit of the time we spent together on the phone, in IMs, through SMS, during our outings and even letters/emails that we exchanged. Although I have given up, that does not mean I am not treating you as a friend. If you are my friend, I shall always treat you as my friend, no matter what happened, how far it is and how close or not close we are; we shall always be friends until the end of time.
-hugs-
Related posts:
April 17th, 2005 17:16
You left me speechless. I dare not say that I totally understand how you felt, but to me, friends are hard to come by and if they do, most of the time I felt left out by our differences. True friends are hard to come by, but there is always hope, so be cheerful, do not let other’s action hurt you. Just my opinions, nothing more. Take care.
April 17th, 2005 17:49
Geez, why so down? Friends are people that come and go in your life. Its not your fault if the things you have in common suddenly become uncommon. It shows you and your friends each have grown in different ways. Only if you are very lucky there will be some that stays with you for life. But then again, it takes effort too. Cheer up! :)
April 17th, 2005 18:13
Hey! You held fast to your being yourself! That’s a more valuable quality than those who just change their character for their “friends”.
If you look for the good in people and give them a chance before judging them, you will find even strangers will give you random acts of kindness and true friends will eventually come to you!
CH
April 17th, 2005 18:25
-____-”
forced you to move out-wow…
it’s been great being a friend of urs.
i’ll keep this short for no words can describe my thoughts.
April 17th, 2005 18:44
dude, me as your ex-roommate, i treasure u lots! In fact, i miss those days while we were in the same room, snatching to use house phone(bodoh!), staying up whole night, eating dimsum, soaking in hotspring… ahhh sweet memories!
Once a friend, forever a friend! high 5!
April 17th, 2005 20:32
Those who treasure you will stay with you no matter what happens..that is why i don’t really need a lot of friends. Just a few also enough already =).
April 17th, 2005 21:35
hey, just bloghopping. your post made me feel like crying. i dunno why. it’s just….touching.
April 17th, 2005 22:09
*Scroll thru the photoes* EH? Where’s my handsome Legolas face??? Jk only lar… later say me jin gak pula…. hahaha…
it’s good that your housemate don’t blog, look at the bright side, you can say their bad things here… hahaha…
April 17th, 2005 22:10
Since I’m on your now-friends list……can lend me some money or not?
No choice abt friends come and go…so fluid huh…my sympathies for your friends-turned enemy incidents.
April 17th, 2005 23:09
Earthtone : Can, in exchange for 3 bars of soap for every RM10, ok? They didn’t turn to enemy, just turn to normal friends or strangers only.
Hao : I don’t have your face, how to put woh~? Your Legolas face? Not the those ugly orcs meh? Haha! They don’t blog or read my blog, but they got friends who read my blog and tell them. Better known as the SPIES. :(
Elaine : *hands over a tissue* *hugs* Thanks for dropping by. Welcome to my blog.
Carol : Yeah, I agree but there are times when they still need to leave. There’s a chinese proverb that says so, ask Ju to tell you. Am I one of the few friends of yours?
Chris : You are my first roomate and the best roomate. Why? Because both of us just too cin cai already! Haha! High 5! Always my friend! :P
Juliana : *hugs* you are my good good friend now, I don’t know why but I just feel so.
Anonymous : I have gave them the chance and I don’t judge them, but their action say so. But, I do agree with your second point, friends will come when you be-friend them. That’s how I got my online friends though. :) CH, err, mind enlighten me who are you?
Ice Queen : Thank you very much. *hugs* Guess I shall put more effort into my friendship to protect them.
Sam : Thanks for your 2 cent. It is very true that true friends are hard to come by and it is up to us to hold onto them. Happy holidays!
April 17th, 2005 23:47
wah…so kembang to be mention among all the youngsters, some more uni students tim wor…
April 18th, 2005 00:15
trully it is an honour, jason :)
thank you so very much.
i agree with carol, it’s just the matter about finding those who will treasure you.
when we graduated in form five, carol, me and a few other friends cried over our last hang out.
but we’ve survived the 2 years being so far away from each other. the love is still there. we occassionally miss call each other (when we Miss each other)
Friendship can be beautiful.
eliminate those who don’t deserve!
hehe…
thanks again for everything,jason :)
April 18th, 2005 02:30
we lose contact with friends all the time. We cannot be with all our friends 24/7 a day,even if we do,they will find us annoying. yes, i have asked myself what is a friend anyway. up till today,i have lost the ability to communicate with a lot of my past form 5 frens. even as i speak now, i find that i’m losing everything common except the memory i had with them. its a sad thing, but its all brought about by time, and we are powerless in stopping time.
April 18th, 2005 12:00
Awww, this post is very sweet and well written. =)
It’s inevitable that friends come and go. Even if their presence were short, they have definitely left us with a footprint in our hearts.
And I find that I am the exact opposite of you. Very very few of my contacts are people I have known online. (Actually I think you’re the only person on my MSN whom I have met online/through my blog. Stalkers don’t count.) In fact, I have no online friends at all!!! =( *sobs!* LOL.
April 18th, 2005 15:11
Twinsmom : That’s because you are still young and SYT mah! ;)
Juliana : Hehe! Then I will miss call you when I miss you, ok? :P *hugs*
Sheen : Tsk tsk tsk. Just matrikulasi and you all aldy cannot cope with it ah. Wait till you all masuk Uni, then only you will know how and what I felt.
Emily : Thanks. Sorry for not dropping by ur blog, no screamyx, abit jalat. :P Hehe. I am truly honoured to be your online friend then. :P
April 18th, 2005 17:20
where’s my goldfish face ?
April 18th, 2005 22:26
U give me a proper picture of urself first lah! :P
April 21st, 2005 02:07
Came upon your blog today.
Friendship.. Friends come and friends go. Something we must learn to accept. No point holding on when interest has differ. Tough! Stay in contact, but don’t force it..
I had many past friendships which has turned cold because of changes in our life. We’ll have to deal with it lorr.. Anyway, appreciate what you have in your life now.. That’s the way…