Friends
Have you ever wonder how much you weight / what place you stand in your friends’ / soul mates’ / best friends’ /intimate friends’ hearts? I bet the thought would have run through your mind at least once, right?
I was in the shop alone and there was nothing to be done. So, I read through my SMS and saw one sentence that lead me to this question and post. Quoted from one SMS sent at 2.25PM by a very intimate friend - “At least there is someone beside you.” (The “You” was not refering to me.) From that point, I was wondering whether the friend has forgotten me that I am, too, always by his / her side. I have sacrifice quite a lot but I never demand anything back from the other party. Is this the love that most famous blogger refering to? However, I just want to celebrate my birthday with the person that I want to yet got declined. Nevermind. I am just little not so cool bout it.
Back to the topic,most of the time,in my humble opinion, I am the one who gives more than I take. Correct me if you know its not, thanks! However, after countless and endless effort of giving, I sometimes do wish that my friend would give me back something in return. Whether it is an invitation to a “yam-cha” or outing session, sharing secrets with me, a simple own made card, a present or a call or whatever is it just to tell me that you remember me all the time. I am an easily satisfied person, I am happy enough when my friends actually remember me. However, most of the time, due to my social skills, I am the one that least people care about and remember. While hanging out with my hometown friends, I could sit down quietly and listen to what are they talking throughout the 2 hours session. When they need me, I try my very best to be there for them. But when I need them, I do not see them.
However, there are times when I am a really screwed up friend. Ask Abdul and Chan,they know it very well. I was being so selfish and ignorant that pratically, I screwed up the friendship between me and two friends that cared and helped me countless time, especially Abdul. Sometimes, I put too much hope on my friends until I get dissapointed and sad every time whenever they fail to help me just for that one single time. There are friendships which I do not give any commitment at all or have the basic requirements of a friendship like trust and loyalty. There are friends who are willing to do so and waiting for me to join them, but I end up straying away from them, which then resulted me going back to friends who do not willing to give. What goes round comes around.
I do not know whether am I a good friend or how many best friends or intimate friends I have. I treat a lot of people as my best friends or intimate friends, but whether they treat me the same, I doubt. I really doubt but still, I continue to give everything to them. There are friends who are willing to accept me into their circle which the bond among them are stronger than their very own boy / girl friends, yet I am not qualified to join them. Do you know how screwed up my social life is? It is very screwed up, very.
I do not know how my friends treat me, whether is their enemy, “Hi”-”Bye” friend, friend, close friend, best friend or intimate friend and hopefully, I shall not know either. I am just too scared to know the truth, like NeeNee will be telling me that I am just a friend to her or my 13 years buddies telling me I am just their “Hi”-”Bye” friend.
Anyway, if my friends need my help, I could just only say to you that I shall be there for you anytime and anywhere. I am sorry if I ever screwed up our friendship or am not there when you need me.
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